Icy Hot and Deathproof

I wish.... I wish I had watched Death Proof before I ever thought of using an IcyHot Patch. I had twisted my back shoveling snow and was in need of some soothing heat. I thought a stick on heated back patch should really help along with a good dose of advil.
This new years eve I happened to see that the one Netflix movie we had been ignoring was DeathProof and well it seemed to be a good night for a crappy movie to kill the hours till midnight. WOW I knew it was supposed to be bad but I think Tarintino has inadvertently created an entirely new level of bad. This is not the bad as in bad ass nor is it bad as in Santa Clause Vs the Martians. This is the bad you get when you try for bad and think you can be clever about it. I think the worst part of the film is the endless and pointless conversations that the "girls" (are we relay supposed to believe they are in high school?) are having that are some sort of bizarre version of what Tarentino thinks women talk about. Any way Kurt Russel plays the bad guy Stuntman Mike which he does very well. Unfortunately it is not enough to cary this film. So we are left with the endless babbling of characters no one could give a hoot about and a bad guy who takes way too long to get around to killing. The point I am getting to here is Stuntman Mike wears a silver gray satin jacket with a large An IcyHot patch on the back and small one on the front. Had I been unfortunate enough to have had watched this film before entering the drug store I might have avoided the horrible experience which followed.
I had purchased the IcyHot back patches and some Advil and was now standing in my cold kitchen. I tore open the resealable pouch and removed one of the 3 patches. I had untucked my shirt and was already tensing up even more as the chill of the air crept up my back. I thought I was merly moments away from a nice soothing penetrating heat. I grasped the patch with both hands and stretched it which released the plastic backing and made it ready for sticking. It was sticky and so I had to preform a contortionist sort of maneuver to get it in place. Once in place I just stuck it on.
I have never been shot but I did once do a cold plunge for m a hot tub. This was like that and what I would assume being shot feels like. It was the coldest thing I have ever felt. I then thought maybe it was the cold air and the shinyness of the adhesive that made it so freaking cold. If I can just suck it up for a few seconds it will improve greatly and the deep heat will start to relax me. WRONG! This was like wearing an ice rag that was now feeling like it was dripping ice water down my spine! I had a muscle spasm! I tore this wretched thing off like I was Spock ridding myself of the Ravioli Creature. The hot water bottle was my only friend and gradually got me back to a normal state of tolerable pain. I can not imagine what kind of injury these hellish devices are supposed to help with. I do no know what kind of deprived person would try to market them as a penetrating heat device. I can only hope that this movie will act as an anti marketing device and consciously or subconsciously steer people far away from these evil evil things!
As I was looking around the Internets for a picture of this jacket I found that most all photos of the jacket have been doctored to remove the IcyHot logo. Hmmm Makes me wonder......